2004-10-21 - 7:55 p.m.
There seriously has to be something wrong with me if I'm updating this often.
"Superficial exterior. It's all just a lie. A smile to my face when you want me to die." - Pitch Black, "3016 Adeline Street"
Outside looking in and you'll never understand. It's so cliche that I've been here countless times, scrawling and babbling to keep from imploding and telling everyone. Sleepless nights start the shakes. You wanted a new direction, a new person to torture. Defeated. It's so replete with every word you've already said. It's better than half-dead, and oh so convenient.
Peerless, fearless - nothing hits home like you do. My confession is better than Nick Carter's, but it really is obsession. The snaps and scars aren't working. I long for the escape, the relief as my pain drips away. You can't hurt me as much as I hurt myself.
Today I did things I've never done before. I spoke up in three different classes. Proud? No. Petrified, scared as hell, and ready to puke the moment the words rushed out? Yep.
"I only need one step to clear this 14-story ledge. I only need one bullet to clear my lonely head. I will not go on living with the fear of meeting death. Everybody's dying so we might as well make friends with it." - Fall Silent, "Hail of Bullets"
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