2005-03-03 - 8:35 p.m.
"I want to live under a warmer light - one that will not only scorch my flaws but will ignite my tenderness, my empathy and give my heart the warmth it will need. I'm aching to be anywhere but here. I'm dying for anyone to understand." - Arma Angelus, "For the Expatriates of Human Civilization"
Gallivanting all over. Bleeding my emotions through a straw. Pummeling every nuisance into nothing but lies. My life is here, waiting for me. Take it. Too much hope leaves us all too disappointed. I needed some kind of validation and ruined it without knowing anything but this. Illusions. Metaphysical immortalities scalding me in their promises. We'll never escape this insanity.
We should have a club for such people - the impassioned, imprisoned in others' mediocrity, struggling to live brighter-flamed lives. A dash of chromium into the fire. Multi-colored sparks. We dance. We're marked different. Throw us in circumstance and watch our reactions ablazing. Shroud our emotions as insanity, brains exploding, aligned with meteor showers. Then shower us with affection.
This insanity, this chaos filtering into my ears - it makes me grateful, appreciative that others have suffered. In no way is this healthy. Stare. I can understand and I can cope with the scrutiny, trying to find faith in something. That is all. Fini. But these eyes are blank, inquiring, scared that you might see past the innocent facade. My, how it all changes. Insert an expletive. Smile meaninglessly, until it falters under your gaze. Down, down, down with passiveness. Seven shades of indifference.
"Pretend to be the best that I can be. Wishful thinking. The conscience is sinking in. I'm embarrassed of myself returning to everything that I hate." - Get Well Soon, "Pretend To Be"
*if i screwed up on the lyrics, it's probably better this way. hah. ;)
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