2005-11-16 - 8:25 p.m.
"The choice is up to you to find out what to do, to let it go or keep kicking me to the side." - The Getaway, "She'll Never Understand"
One step. ONE LINE. One more night of restlessness, of pining and pretending that I'll be ok.
I'm pretty sure I could start screaming about how idiotic people are and nobody would even notice. I could surround myself with them in the study lab and they wouldn't even look up to glare at me. Pay no attention. It's not worth an intervention. I thought I'd refused to be that fucked up reflection of everyone else. Apparently not. It's not for me. This is where I start to crumble.
Fucking stupid not even artsy kid, scribbling your life away. All you can think of is that Desaparecidos song. Oh, that darling poster boy Conor Oberst. He writes such pretty words. Uh, right. Not as artsy as you'd like to be, for cryin' out loud. Big words can't bail you out, so you don't even try anymore. You're not even that smart. And you're not an individual, because individuality is the stupidest thing ever. It's a lie to make us feel fucking special. Let's board the short bus. Yep. Still here and still malicious, baby. Here's to being a spiteful, angry little badass. It's not me.
I hate when people are unnecessarily loud in public places. Ridiculous. They're putting on a show. They just need to go, I swear. Stupid girls. Stupid flirty girls who giggle and shriek with laughter. You're never going to be one of those girls. Why even try? Because they get the guys you want. They get the attention you crave and abhor all at the same time. They take what they want instead of waiting patiently and being "good" and thinking that maybe it'll all work out. Bitch, please. Oh. Right. Anger management? Only if you want to get popped in the face. Yeah, this is a novel gone haywire, consisting only of soliloquies. One trap after another.
"Do I stand idly by and let this world disintegrate? This world will pass away, and my emotions with it. Why should I strive for acceptance and peace of mind?" - Shai Hulud, "A Profound Hatred of Man"
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