2005-02-12 - 8:15 p.m.
It's this insanely incessant stream that continues to act as a leech. It's knowing that I sabotage myself. It's a catch 22. It's screaming at myself for being a trying person, and trying so hard to change that I feel nauseous; being inarticulate; having a concrete record for every kind of feeling imaginable, but never really saying what I feel; having no other way to express myself; wanting to call someone, but knowing that I'd only bring them down with me; not being able to accept compliments; being so scared that I let everything good go.
I'll get out of this funk soon enough. What the hell am I talking about?
At some point, I'm going to have to tiptoe around the riddles and give it to you straight.
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